Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize