youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
