in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
