So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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