Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My vagina is officially offended.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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