Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
