So drunk its hurt
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
