i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
