so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize