i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
