Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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