his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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