Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
