i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
