I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
