I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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