first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
