I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
