I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
