Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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