I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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