Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
