She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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