I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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