he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
