i barfeds in our rink
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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