i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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