There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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