Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
