best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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