I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
