i wish my penis had a tongue
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
