I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Watching her eat just hurts me
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
