You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize