my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
