I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize