I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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