i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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