I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
