you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
