Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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