Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
