But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Randomize
