i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
