Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
