I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
