literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
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Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
