have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
