No subtext here. People are naked.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
