cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
