just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
