I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
