Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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