It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
