You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
