It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
