I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
