meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
