Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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