Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
