who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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