defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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