is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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