I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
