Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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