Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
