she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
