I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
