i was born a porn star she said
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I AM VODKA MAN
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
