i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
