Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
