Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Drunk is not a location!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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