Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
